cram cream on the table next to me. lion follows elephant, follows an animal that could be in some sense be understood as a beardog perhaps. it is rather cold outside and i will get on my way to a little party on the 10th floor of that large building on ocean parkway. the views will be spectacular. i have to dress for an environment where people might be smoking. it is not banned in private apartments yet. the music i am listening to right now sounds old and new at the same time. getting ready to take some Dostoyevsky with me for the next few months. i wonder how that is going to boil up some strange feelings in me. (and some ridiculously flowery language.) lion follows elephant, follows bear, follows lion, follows...

why there? one should clean with very loud music on. or with eyes closed. or with something done to the brain to reduce the sentimental value of the found trash in boxes, under shelves, behind usually closed doors. i only managed to get rid of two piles of magazines tonight. but it took a lot of energy to not revisit the good things inside. how will i ever reduce? i do reuse. i certainly recycle. the reduction part is not quite working yet. i add. i add a lot. i add more than i can actually process. it is as if i packed a whole loaf of bread into my mouth and were surprised why in the world i am not able to swallow. why do i add and add. do i have some sort of illusion that i can take better care of things than, let's say, the library? why do i keep adding books to the books to the books... some about some books i already managed to add? some of the books i managed to get are no longer available to anybody else. same thing with the many stamps that rest, some attached to envelopes, in drawers and books. will i end up giving these away by the yard? maybe to the library after all? maybe that's what is going to happen? hmm... that would be a good thing, i guess. i can reduce more. i can. i know. but why does the reduction start with my brain? why?

room for improvement... (on any scale.) not sure i can believe that there is a true connection between some top chefs from imaginary indian hotels and the mix of curry and eggplant i just had for dinner. it is still burning on my very dry lips and i am not quite sure if drinking some filtered water would be the right way to help here. two for four. it actually was incredibly good stuff. on the coldest day so far i chose to take the c train two stops further than usual and to get out at a station i have never used before. i soon found myself all alone in the proximity of some fantastically built brick houses. few of them three stories high, several 30. then there were the many empty streets. then the atlantic railyards. then more empty streets. emptier still. then my shadow walked ahead of me. just to make sure i am not alone. it took me almost an hour to get home. i might take this walk again when the light is a bit better. and maybe natural. i also will try to take the walk on a day when i feel less sick. it is the night of the recycled paper and i am ready this time. there is tape and there are the clear bags. i washed the bottles and i separated the aluminum. last night, when i was not able to sleep at 4am. i also switched the electricity here to wind power. it was incredibly easy really. now i can at least have the illusion that the light used to see the screen here comes from magically renewable sources. I picked the purely wind solution. Also made sure that it is local wind. (NY & PA only.) would not want to be getting some wind energy that had to travel from somewhere really, really far away, just so i can feel better about having the light on here in the room, and maybe also in the other room... I think i will also try to maybe use less of the energy, no matter what the source might be. It will probably be a little more difficult, now that i ended up with a tv set. hmm... who knows. maybe there is a way. i think i will have some tea now. i think there is still some left over from this morning. No heat will be needed. oh, maybe it is time to tie together some paper. the packaging of that curry i just had could... oh, that's actually really, really bad. isn't it?... i wonder if the dinner arrived via sailboat or in the belly of a jet. oh, there is so much room for improvement. there always, always is.

every four hours or so i emptied the content of a little glass container into my mouth and waited for the tiny white balls to dissolve. they were not really good at it. i had picked up some of that stuff at the back to the bank store on seventh avenue. the woman at the register must have been new. she did not know the majority of the codes. she also could not hide her slight disgust when she took some of that cold medicine out of my basket. i was officially the carrier of germs. like, so very not cool. and i think the stuff i took all day, mixed with some good old rest might have somehow worked a tiny bit. i am really feeling much better right now than i felt this morning. and i should feel much worse now, according to all common sense. i am now turning off the lights, one by one, preparing the systems to shut down for the day. we should all be up and running again tomorrow. i can feel the soft steps of recovery. and i paid off my mortgage today. i am now completely debt free. at least in the wild world of animal crossing. i can not get a bigger house. i managed to pay off the ever growing debt by playing the little game on my nintendo ds for more than six months. and it was good fun all the way. now i can focus on collecting art for the museum and donating money to those in need. fishing will also be on my schedule. oh, and i should be saving too, i was told. "there is no social security here," said the racoon store owner. there is some good wisdom in some of those little games. hmm... okay, this can not be what i came to this planet for. a regular sick day. now it is certainly time to get some rest. good night.

not even watching tv so i guess that i am a bit like a pressurized little cooker. give me a day or a longer weekend and i will just implode or at least get sick... so yes, i am at home, after the martin luther king day, sickish. with a cold. i am wearing more layers now than there might be in the earth's crust and yet i am still feeling like a cold pit in a frozen fruit. but the sun is beautiful as it pushes projections of fabrics onto the walls of my bedroom. and the sounds from the street remind me that not everyone stayed inside today. there are other hints of intelligent life, obviously. many actually. i just barely have the energy to look for them. though i did watch some television before. yes, i now have a television set. with many channels and even a dvr. insane. i did not have any tv for 2 years. when i first moved here to park slope, the apartment did not have cable and i did not have a tv set. so it was okay. i tried to get cable, but it turned out that i would need the permission from a woman in the building next door. she did not seem to like to talk to me. i was okay with just my web solution. oh, and i also have a good amount of books and even a pretty serious stream of magazines. then, recently, nintendo released a good game system. i walked into a store at 8 am, grabbed a bagel and bought a wii. i now had a wii. and no tv. so in the afternoon of the same day, a very angry cab driver brought be home with a television set. he was so angry because i made him drive to brooklyn during rush hour. it was not even the going to brooklyn that made him curse me and hit the steering wheel harder than i have ever seen before, it was the fear of going back to manhattan... hmm... i think he was okay once he got me here. okay, so i had a television set. i connected my dead cable to it, and wow, i suddenly had several channels. instead of keeping this discovery my little secret, i soon called the cable company and now i have some 2000 channels or something like it. and maybe one or two i sometimes watch. i pre record my television now. it is as if i were setting traps with the television guide in the evening. then, the next day i can see if what was recorded is worth watching. but now i am sick. i could just drain my brain and roll in front of the television. instead here i am, under covers, surrounded by layers and layers of layers. and i am not really doing much. or actually not doing anything. and writing about it. hmm... a bit of a sad thing really. i hope to be better soon.