Totally relaxed?

I am somehow completely relaxed. It appears that I am pretty much in demand these days and this is a really good thing. Watched "Unsere Nachbarn" in Polish at 9am. (for our non German readers... Unsere Nachbarn, "Our Neighbours" is German tv programming in foreign languages.)
After that... THis might have been the laziest day of the year so far. I just hung around. Did absolutely nothing.
Okay, I went shopping. But I was not the creator of the shopping list, so it does not count... Tissues, kitty litter and the like.
I have not replied to anybody, did not clean the apartment, did not think of anything new. (Not quite sure if I did any kind of thinking.)
Okay, I drew a little. I drew a gigantic LEGO logo, if anybody would like to know. But who would like to know?
I am pretty much out of the loop. I have no continuity in my drawings.
I am not even sure what will happen next. Not sure how I could possibly continue. I have spent much too much time in front of the Mac. And then there are these 3D animations for Siemens. Please forget about those. Then the cover for the Berendt Book, Hinuebergehen...
It appears that I am being pulled deeper and deeper into this whole design/typography circus.
I would like to do my own stuff, within the constrains of these... but it is pretty darn difficult. I am pretty insecure. I have barely any ideas, know what I do not want to do, but when I do not want to do it in a specific way?... Not sure...
All tough. This is pretty bad.
I need some distance, a better vantage point...
Maybe take a year off, maybe two years.
See everything with a fresh set of eyes.
Why am I getting myself into this whole graphic design thing anyway? What am I thinking? Who needs this computer stuff. "Behinderung durch Technik."