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May 24, 2004
The missing Sarah Fox...

Is she back? Is she okay? Are things allright? There are so many of these printouts all over the city… all of new york might be looking for Sarah Fox… hmm… not sure if this is going to be in any way helpful, but here is the posting from my deli down the block…


update: this entry is now slowly turning into a place where those who remember Sarah like to leave their little virtual notes. I do not know why most of the search engines point towards this entry here. I had written one after I was contacted by a friend of Sarah’s family (here)… But maybe it is a good thing that the search engines are pointing towards here. Here I did not yet know who or where Sarah was. Here we were all still hopeful that she was somewhere in the city, maybe distracted, but certainly not really lost.
Until the murderer(s?) of Sarah are found, it is quite possible that this humble entry on my blog is going to appear as one of the top search results for her name.
And maybe this is a good place for friends and friends of friends to leave messages. This here is a very quiet corner of the web. So yes, maybe it is good.

Comments

Strange. I just saw one of these postings today, in the East Village. Different photograph. I was really struck by it, because she didn't look at all like the typical "missing" pictures. She was not old and disoriented, nor was she young and Spanish. I found myself reading the posting, trying to glean details about her personal life and character from the information given on the night of her disappearance. The tattoo on her lower back. The "spiky on top" hair. The strange hotmail address for tips surrounding her whereabouts. I don't know exactly how these things end, but it seems they rarely end well. I hope everything I know is wrong, once again.

Posted by: todd on May 25, 2004 08:02 PM

I just received an email from one of Sarah's friends, pointing me towards the "news."
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/26/nyregion/26dead.html
(just the name of the link says a lot...)
: (

Posted by: Witold Riedel on May 26, 2004 06:06 AM

:(

I was drawn to her picture. I'm not sure why. But I'm really quite sad now...

Posted by: Stacy on May 26, 2004 06:40 AM

Did Sarah attend GCIT in High school? If it is the same Sarah, she was in several shows that I designed. I saw her picture on the news this morning and my heart jumped and then sank so low...she was so warm and funny and totally individual--I noticed right away what a cool gal she was. I hope this isn't her...and in any case, I am sad when these things happen in our world.

Posted by: Charlotte on May 26, 2004 07:30 AM

yes sarah fox did attend gcit.. i attended there also.. she was such an amazing actress.. she will surely be missed :-(

Posted by: Mark on May 26, 2004 10:33 AM

I never knew sarah, I know and work with her sister, I have seen many photos in sam's house of her and sarah, to see the one on the news made the hair on my skin stand on end. You never think anything like this will happen to someone so closely linked to you and when it does it almost does not seem real .. its hard to comprehend.. why .. why would this happen? My hart goes out to her family i could never even vision what they are going through right now.

Posted by: Kurt on May 26, 2004 12:35 PM

i feel so bad i go to skool right next to where all thsi happened... and i also saw all the posters.... thsiis horrible and it really makes you think... she seems liek she was a dynamic person her poster certainly caught my attention... she seems liek she was gonna be somebody! my heart goes out to all her family and friends!

Posted by: bibi on May 26, 2004 11:21 PM

I live in the same town as Sarah and her sister, i am also attending GCIT where just 4 years ago Sarah was. We had our anual Academy Awards tonight and had a special slidshow in her honor. We have also created a new award for her... The Sarah Fox Spirit Award, it gose to the senior most like Sarah, pos attitude, great personality and outlook, you get the idea. I never knew Sarah but just from past-class mates and friends i got to know her. I, as well as most there, cried during her slidshow. But I know that even though I didn't know her, I'll never forget her.

Posted by: Samantha on May 29, 2004 11:11 PM

my name is bianca.. i attend GCIT where sarah went, and graduated from my freshman year. sarah left somthing amazing behind to our school, and to every single person that she met. i am thankful for the short time that i knew sarah fox, because she left me with a spirit and an attitude that will never leave me. i was honored on saturday nite by recieving the first annual spirit of sarah fox award at my school - its enscribed - 'in honor to those who follow sarahs footsteps in outstanding dedication to learning, theater, and to life itself'. i hope this tribute is remebered to her not just as an award - but an honor to her smile, attitude, spirit, life, and experience of sarah fox. the best way to keep sarah alive, is to live her attitude towards it. dont cry because of a death, keep your smile and hope others will want to smile also.

bianca

ps: mark, might that be you, mark reader, who left GCIT your junior year?

Posted by: bianca on May 30, 2004 11:39 PM

i was privileged enough to go to high school with sarah for one year...she was a senior when i was a freshman. even then, she was a presence in our school. when she left, she was a legend that everyone in drama wanted to be...she still is. if all of us could have just a little bit of sarah in us how much better life would be. she is an amazing person who cannot die because her memory lives on: a star whose flame was extinguished too soon...a black hole remains...we love you sarah.

Posted by: kaity on May 31, 2004 12:04 AM

I just have to say, the ONLY thing that lets the sun shine through the darkness these days is hearing (reading?) friends and family and total strangers talk about my sister and relate the same thoughts and feelings I've been having about her since the day she was born - she was just so unbelievably amazing. too good to be true. to good for this world.
to everyone who has posted or lurked here: let her loss live with you always. let it change you; make it change you. don't let my sister's death be in vain; make a significant effort to make this world a better place. it seems daunting, but if you live every second appreciating the seconds that Sarah can't, you'll live as a better person and someday there will be more of US than there are of THEM.

glazedsam@yahoo.com

ps. kurt, thank you for the spatula. truly.

Posted by: sam on June 14, 2004 04:29 PM

i agree with the first sam. i knew sarah because corinne and if i could i would thank corinne everyday for letting me in on something great...knowing sarah. she is amazing and she will be terribly missed by all. just live through her now. let her light shine in every smile.

Posted by: the other sam on June 22, 2004 12:11 AM

I am very close with a great friend of Sarah's I am deeply saddened by the loss of such a great person. Although I didn't know her personally, she had to be wonderful. To be loved and missed deeply by so many. My thoughts and Prayers are with you Sarah, may life in Heaven be peaceful and wonderful as you..............

Posted by: angel on July 25, 2004 11:44 PM

yes bianca i am that mark :-P

Posted by: mark on August 11, 2004 11:36 AM

was her killer ever found?

Posted by: Caitlin on August 25, 2004 04:55 PM

Not sure... It was not on the news. : (

Posted by: Witold Riedel on August 25, 2004 05:14 PM

i atteneded GCIT and graduted 2002, i attended the Transportation academy side of the school. i was only in a few clases with her one year, but she was always very energetic ,as other described, and very positive, as soon as all this happeend so many months ago i was stunned and angry, but i searched for this today as to see any news of her investagation. i found this site and see many comment from my fellow alumni, and would like to know if any one has found out new information of the investigation??

Posted by: Brian on October 31, 2004 01:10 PM

I've read the posts and comments in various forums about missing or abducted people and it seems that everyone feels so helpless and sad, and that makes me feel kind of sad too but some years ago I decided to do something about it so I began searching for missing people, in my free time, and I found a few, About 20 actualy. I also found that the rewards that are offered for finding people are not ever paid. Furthermore, the police tend to be very abusive tward successful finders. The basic attitude is that since they could not find the person you must be some how involved in the abduction because you know too much, or thoughts to that effect.

You folks who are genuinely concerned could improve the success rate for recovering people if you would see to it that offered rewards are paid promtly in your community and see to it that your police do not abuse the successful finder of a missing person.

Posted by: mud M. Mudd on November 23, 2004 05:42 AM

i got really shocked qhen i read the story on PEOPLE magazine.......... i'm sorry for her boyfriend and family i hope you feel ok now i bearly read the story today in the librarys magazines..... well lets just say that she went to a better place.. sorry again.

Posted by: lily on December 19, 2004 03:33 PM

i hope they arrest him soon. i heard they have a suspect. i was a very good friend of sarah's. she was a shing star. one thing i remember about her was this: i was a freshman, she a junior. we were telling stories about ourselves that nobody else knew about us. i had just told about how another friend of mine killed herself when i was in 8th grade. i was very upset and the bell had just rung for us to go to our next class. sarah came into the room, looked at me,smiled, then gave me a big hug. that was the sweetest moment i've ever experianced. never take friends for granted. god bless you all.

Posted by: krissy on December 29, 2004 02:40 PM

I have been trying to find info on the case for months. If anyone knows where on the web I can find updated info or can just tell me what is going on - I would appreciate it.

I am, for lack of a better word, haunted by her photo and I feel like I need closure and need to know they caught the person who ended her bright light. The moment I saw her picture, I felt as if I knew her somehow - that photo is very expressive. Then as I read on and learned she was studying to be an actress...

...we are similar in a many ways. I just feel like I need to know.

Thank you

Posted by: tammy on January 10, 2005 12:34 AM

I have been changed...
I wish I could have met her...
Her poetry was beautiful.
I wish I could have read more of it...
From every word and gesture her friends attributed to her, it was apparent she knew the "art of loving". We should all be that lucky...
We can but try...

Posted by: Jim on May 15, 2005 11:16 PM

How can one express the grief of unintentional harm with what amounts to almost a note in a bottle you hope a few specific people will read?

At a time when the relationship with my family was unraveling, when one hammer blow revelation after another from them was breaking my heart, when I was having to accept a vocation that was all but forced on me, that was crushing my creative spirit, Sarah passed away.

I had come to help, to be there for friends, to be there for a grieving boyfriend and family, if they needed me. As I sat listening to people talk about what a creative person Sarah was, as I sat and read a poem that said "If you are here and you care (and I know you do), then I love you.", I felt an overwhelming grief of knowing that I would have never met this person of light. I would never learn directly from her how to love people the way she did; but, her reflection from them was so strong. As I looked at the pictures of this happy angel, I saw that the people around her had learned from her, that part of her happy life had been because of her own family's love, respect and acceptance for her and her chosen muse. The way she was allowed to be herself, allowed to freely express herself even in her early teens without being censured.

It felt like my heart was being cut out. I was seeing for the first time the true depth of my family's betrayal. I was getting pulled like taffy between the hurt of my own life and the gratitude of learning how people should treat their loved ones. How people should love their friends with joy and fearlessness. "I'm not afraid of anything" lifted me and ripped me apart at the same time. I was so desparate to learn how to be that kind of person, I would use even my artistic interpretive skills from years of studying people to soak in this lesson. I felt like I had channeled some of Sarah's explosive joy. I was so grateful.

It battered and hammered me though in my tornado of grief - why is such a miserable, broken hearted person like me still here when this wonderful person is not? There was such wrongness in this. Wrongness.

But stupidly perhaps, I still thought I could be of help, this broken hearted fool. In stronger times, I have done first-aid, stopped real bleeding, helped people with real harm even on 9/11 when the building were going to come down a block or so away. I have used my singing voice in music to uplift people who are in mourning. I have been called on to help grieving boyfriends and husbands holding them in my arms as they release some of the pain of their loss; but, in this case I was like a person whose arm had just been cut off trying to help someone with a broken leg. In some ways I was in worse shape than the people I thought I was there to help; but, I kept trying to help anyway. In stronger times I would have known the limitations of what I could do; but, this time I didn't.

When I came to help, I thought maybe in passing that Sarah and I had crossed paths. We had similarities. We were both trying to find out what our path in life was really supposed to be. We both appreciated running and its rewards. We both loved being outdoors when we weren't chasing the muse. We both had a love of the word. We both have had a fierce visceral care for the friends we have. We both appreciated the challenge presented by the muse.

As I said, I was fairly certain that Sarah and I had crossed paths; but, as I saw more pictures of her, my certainty started to wane and my horror began to grow that maybe I had not and that I shouldn't have been there. Since one of the friends I was concerned about didn't show to vouch for me, I felt more and more like an intruder. I had to fight off self revulsion, the feeling of being trapped, to keep a low profile and see if there still was anything I could do. Finally, when the group I was with were leaving, I tried one more time to have a positive healing effect. In my wounded state, when I left, I thought I had succeeded in making a lasting positive connection. I was deluded. I was wrong.

In my efforts to be of help, I stumbled, kept trying to stand; but, would fall and trip, then, I would try to express my gratitude and stumble again, and in my stumbling I would crash into people I hadn't meant to hurt. I would disturb those I had meant to help.

It took others to tell me I mustn't try anymore. When I was made to realize that I was causing more dismay, it made my grief all the more terrible.

I am so sorry.

In Hell, the fires burn cold with despair. I know - I have been there. This was my third trip there and my third trip out. This was not a purgatory to meet my Dantean Beatrice, it was to meet myself.


Still I remember a fragment of Sarah's poem: "If you are here and you care (and I know you do), then I love you".

Someday I would love to have my own copy of the rest of it again. I am so thankful I read it. I draw strength from writing such as this. It helps me define who I want to be, what kind of person I want to be. I lost my copy when I was afraid it would keep me from healing, now I wish I had it to make it a part of the healing.

My journey remains unfinished. I am a work in progress.

Sarah, Requiescat In Pace.

Thank you...

Posted by: Jim on May 19, 2005 10:39 AM

Sara was a drama major at my school. For our Academy Awards we had a moment of aplause just for her. It was very touching to me and many other people. My teachers adored her. We even gave out a Sarah Fox Spirit Award. I wish I could've gotten to know her.

Posted by: chelsea on June 13, 2005 07:27 PM

Sara was a drama major at my school. For our Academy Awards we had a moment of aplause just for her. It was very touching to me and many other people. My teachers adored her. We even gave out a Sarah Fox Spirit Award. I wish I could've gotten to know her.

Posted by: chelsea on June 13, 2005 07:27 PM

See if your teachers still have any of her poetry.
I only got to read one of them and it was beautful. I will never see it again and I don't remember the name; but, I am glad I experienced it.
Poetry can tell you a lot...
See if you can "channel" it...

Posted by: jim on June 20, 2005 08:24 PM

I got to know Sarahs sister Samantha in early February. The first time I hung out w/ her Sam got a call from her sister. I remember how excited Sam was to hear from Sarah and after they got off the phone Sam gushed to me about how great and talented her little sis was. It's something I'll never forget.

As Kurt posted above, I saw numerous pictures of Sarah around the house, the family was so proud of her. I can't imagine how a loss like that must feel.

Kurt if you see this, do you remember me?

Posted by: Nate on August 12, 2005 12:19 PM

If you speak to Sam, have her come here...
I hope she is well...

Posted by: Jim on August 13, 2005 05:24 PM

someone should notice what today is...
or could have been...

Posted by: imperfect stranger on December 19, 2005 02:50 PM

I am a counselor from Sarah's high school. I often think about Sarah. So, today I did a web search & found this site. I noticed that it has been several months since there have been any entries. I want to keep Sarah's spirit alive! I do remember her as an eighth grader. When she applied to our school. She was small in stature ... but up on the stage, she was very powerful. I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to see her grow into an amazing actor ... an amazing person!

Posted by: Dave on March 10, 2006 10:29 AM

Dave,

You were fortunate enough to personally know her. I stumbled in to the tragedy (badly, if you have read my postings). Do what I can't seem to do, help her family, help them with any initiatives you can. I would love to help; but, I am a bumbling outsider. I can't seem to get it right. Maybe you can.

Posted by: Jim on March 22, 2006 08:14 AM

A man was in a very bad car accident, his body smashed and broken in a way that it still a decade later gives him pain. A man who coded three times on the operating room table, for whom they had already requested a morgue cart. Who survived.

When he first came home to convalesce after the accident, a young girl of 18 would come and sit by his bed, keep him company and sing. She was a person of light to him who reached out to him in his pain and marred visage, and comforted his soul and gave him a reason to live.

She was to go off to conservatory (New England actually) and was off to a promising career..

In a way that defies logic, she died of an accidental overdose of migraine medication.

This man, my brother stood by her coffin with his pain wracked body filled with bewilderment and despair wondering “why am I here? Why is she the one who died?”

...
With the regrets of a person who had been betrayed...learning about another person of light...

I remember putting my hand on Sarah’s white coffin and thinking as if speaking to Sarah, “sweetpea, what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.”

I could sense and feel that bonecrushing grief like my brother’s when he thought the wrong person was in the coffin...

Posted by: imperfect stranger on May 19, 2006 09:31 AM

Wow,
What can I say I am so touched of all of the people who wrote stuff about Sarah. I graduated with Sarah. Everyday that I was with her in the 4 years of High school are priceless now. She has changed my life in so many ways, just like you. Thank you everyone for remebering her the way she was.

Julie Rose

Posted by: jules on May 25, 2006 09:12 AM
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